one potato two potato...

so i was motivated today to get out and DO something other than read, watch kiddie movies with the boys, or as of lately play on the puter. I somehow lifted down my bike from those hookey thingys on the ceiling. A feat in its self considering i am only 5-1/2 tall. Hooked up the kiddie bike trailer and drug the boys over to the park. whee woo I felt accomplished.

While there, watching little big guy play in the sandbox, and indiscriminately shoving raisins and goldfish into big little guys mouth, i texted a friend to meet me. It was a Beautiful day outside with capital B. I like being able to go outside without feeling like my face is going to melt off.

My friend K met me and of course our conversation revolved around babies. Both of mine, her newly born niece, and the possibilities of her future offspring. She is one of a few friends of mine who have wavered between having children and not having children. I must say one of the biggest voiced concerns and debate issues when discussing this issue with them is whether or not they will end up with UGLY babies. I find this strangely disturbing yet amusing. Maybe because my LBB was unplanned and a lovely surprise, (three months before my wedding) the thought on whether or not a beautious baby would be the result was not a worry in my head. Even when having BLB baby #2 I will admit to being concerned about my two boys being compared against each other in all aspects, but was not necessarily worried about if he would be cute or not. Is this common? I'm just curious...

hellish days of two-yr-old-dom

guess what i just walked into? well yesterday it was coins, today the entire contents of his dresser drawers (pajamas, pants, diapers, etc etc). Plus when i peep into the room he has managed to find a bottle of baby powder and the good boy that he is put himself back into bed. the problem you ask? caught him in the midst of dumping said powder over his own head and all around. Probably was enjoy the *POOF* those bottles make when you squeeze. After a major tantrum of my own he is now successfully sequestered in his little bros pack n' play asleep. the upside? i never used that damn powder for anything else and his room smells just like a fresh baby bum from the seventies (at least that's when i assume baby powdering of bums was all the rage).

ventured out today. in the sweltering heat that is this po'dunk valley. I met my little sis and her kids at the local babies r us. I became one of "those" moms that allows their children to run amok all around the store. heck we were at babies r us... anyone there should expect it right? and those glowing expectant moms? whats a little harsh reality to bring them down to earth. anyhoo we tromped around the entire shopping center, OUTSIDE mind you in the 97-ish degree heat. YUCK. double yuck when you take into account that i made the wisely decision not to shower this morning in lieu of a speedier exit. eventually made it back to stage one at Babies R Us with two cranky kids one with a loaded poop filled diaper.

As i finished diapering big little guy in the poop/nursing room, a lady came in to join us with a large two year old and what i guess was an approx 4 month baby. we started to chat as we both nursed our younger boys. She asked how old big little guy was and i told her he was going on 2 and a half. She said that her older boy "jessie" was too. She then went on to explain that 'Jesse' was having speech delay issues and was going to a speech therapist. The poor kid hadn't even had a chance to make a peep. No explanation was necessary. No apologizing necessary. I wasn't sure what to say. "OHHH so that explains it."

Heck I could've begun making excuses seeing how Little big guy was at least a foot shorter than Jesse. "umm yeah he's a real picky eater" or " shortness/smallness runs in the family?" I don't get it. Why feel the need to explain away anything. a kid is a kid. everyone is different. Let them be and don't let our insecurities rub off. Maybe I'm being too critical. the comments caught me off guard and made the very small room even smaller and uncomfortable in the ensuing silence.

In the end little big guy and jesse were the same in their out of control rambuciousness, like caged monkeys. Crawling, scrambling, climbing, shouting and all the craziness that goes along with a care free toddler.

lost for good...

So yesterday as i was deciding what to name this blogliciousness I obviously wasn't thinking clearly. was i really asking to lose my sanity? holy crap-o-la-la did i jinx myself. I awoke rather early this morning (515am) to my little big guy (9mos, 24lbs, and growing) screaming to be taken out of his crib. This was already following at least 3 trips down to big little guy's (2-1/2yrs, 24lbs, and vocabulary growing) room to tuck him back into his "blankies." Rather tough night. But off to work I went and had a fairly uneventful day...as uneventful as serving high maintenance customers their high maintenance lattes. I came home in the early afternoon to little big guy stubbornly refusing to take his much needed nap and instead deciding to tear apart his room, knock over little bookcases, rip books, use adult sized armchair to reach upper recesses of built in bookcase to reach piggy bank and then proceed to empty the coins and chuck them over the baby gate into the hallway. my freakin carpet was littered with nickles, dimes, pennies and the occasional quarter.

and to think i thought my afternoon was at its worst there. NOPE. I return LBG to toddler bed with stern instructions to Go. To. Sleep. Now. yeah right. if it was only that easy.

without boring you with all the horrendous details...my afternoon and early evening went all down hill from there. So bad was it that when my lovely hubby returned from a work related fantasy football league draft, I was so close to tears my eyes were brim full of frustration. I had tried cajoling, i tried time outs, i took privileges away, nothing short of binding him up with masking tape would have satisfied my fried nerves. One can only take so much fussing, crying and whining (and you should've heard him).

ugh and again i say ugh. They don't tell you about these days in those baby preparedness classes. yeah i got the notes on dealing with poop and bath time, how about mental freakin breakdown time?

throughout all the madness, my angel little big guy sat in calm contentedness. oh he definitely has his moments. I just hope to goodness he wasn't taking notes from his big brother.

i really want to be a blogger. i aspire to be that witty funny person i think i can be. but how? i have started posts like 5 times and failed to find a rhythm that really felt like me, not me trying to pretend to be a better me. huh?
well i guess i am trying to find out how to be a narrator of my life. I always have had this problem. Used to want to be one of those people who journaled. i always caught myself blowing hot air up whatever arse i thought someday in the far distant future would take the time and effort to read my journal. never made it very far.
so who am i? i guess thats where the problem lies. i dunno. i know the facts: 30 yr old, wife, mom, manager, etc. those are just titles. I really want to figure out who i REALLY am. what do i believe? i am hoping to discover these things in the mundane daily life experiences.

wanna come along for the ride?